


you're gonna miss me when i'm gone

by sanetoshiapologist



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Friendship/Love, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Memories, Romance, Singing, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-11
Updated: 2013-10-11
Packaged: 2017-12-29 03:42:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1000460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanetoshiapologist/pseuds/sanetoshiapologist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Lance Corporal Levi's eyes do not yield tears, stars refuse to break, and Hanji Zoe's singing voice isn't as bad as he expected it to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you're gonna miss me when i'm gone

They say Corporal Levi is strong. Stronger than a thousand ordinary man, stronger than perhaps the Colossal Titan himself. They say that he will never fall in a mere battle, never surrender, never reveal more than a dark-eyed mask to this cruel, cruel world.

But Levi knows the truth. He's as fragile as the quivering soldier at his heels. He's as broken and burnt and hurt as the charred bones wrapped in a rough linen blanket that a weeping woman cradles in her arms.

They say Hanji Zoe is one in a million. There is a zesty glint in her chocolate-brown eyes, as she, hands flying wildly through the air, talks animatedly about her hypotheses on Titan anatomy, the sort of talk no one cares enough to listen to. They say she is reckless, fearless, and willing to jab a wooden pole into a Titan's eye within centimeters of yellowing fangs, screaming and crying for what they all say are the wrong reasons.

It hurts her- Levi can tell. It hurts to do things you know hurt the people -or flesh-eating monsters- you love.

He doesn't consider himself to be in the "they" category. But then again, she isn't either.

Maybe Hanji understands. Or maybe she just doesn't show it. Maybe she is like everyone else.

He'll believe a lot of things, that a sinner him was given twin blades and ordered to fight, that his entire squad is dead, but never that Hanji is like anyone else.

The night Petra dies, Levi somehow finds himself with his head resting in her lap, eyes unblinking and tearless as he stares at a spider web clinging to a corner of her untidy room. He unwittingly reaches out a hand as if it was within his grasp, but she gently clasps his hands in hers and doesn't let go.

He glances up. Her glasses are slightly askew, hair still stringy and wet from her once-in-a-lifetime shower. Her eyes are misty as she gingerly runs her calloused fingertips through his coarse hair, the same combing movement over and over again- hand ghosting over his scalp, taking special care with his short bangs, running over the folds of his ebony looks, before skipping to the nape of his neck.

"Why the fuck are you crying?" he manages to mumble.

"Because you aren't," comes her soft, barely audible reply a heartbeat later. "It's okay to cry, Levi. You know I won't mind."

Levi looks away, before commanding, "Just talk. I want to think."

He thinks he can hear the smile in her voice as she says, "That's the first time I've heard you say that, Captain."

"Don't push it," he orders her gruffly. He wonders why he is doing this, but decides not to dwell on it.

"Well, if you insist!" she chirps in that cute-sy voice. For once, it doesn't annoy the shit out of him. "Hm...well, I'll tell you a Petra story."

"Why don't you tell me a Titan story?" he asks, placing a soft emphasis on every word.

"Hush. Your orders were to talk. I took that to mean I could talk about whatever I wanted to." She grins slyly, and starts rocking him back and forth.

"Whatever," he grumbles under his breath, pretending not to care. After all, that's how he's dealt with everything, isn't it? Pretending not to care as he gazed into their glassy, lifeless eyes, chests reduced to unbeating organs and brackish blood trickling across the thick bark of a dark forest, where no one would or ever could mourn them. Her corpse tossed with careless abandon out of the wagon, tumbling ceaselessly across the endless expanse of green and beige, auburn hair flashing mockingly at him before she disappeared forever. Her wings given to a bumbling fool, in the clutches of a sweaty hand where she could not watch him.

"Okay, so she and I were in the academy together," Hanji begins. "She had bottom bunk, I had top. After the day was over, I'd sometimes tumble off of the bed and land on the floor in the middle of the night, and she'd always manage to pick me up and carry me up the ladder and tuck me in and tell me that there wasn't anything to be scared of. She said I wasn't going to die, and that she wasn't going anywhere, and the best part was…she sang to me. Quietly, so she wouldn't wake up anyone. Soft, sweet- a lullaby in her home language. I couldn't understand a word of it, but...goddamn. It was the most beautiful thing I'd ever heard. Man, that girl could really sing," she stops, adding, "it's a sad world we live in, you know?"

Levi merely nods- he knows better than anyone.

The woman laughs grimly. "And now, all I can think about is that she lied to me. She said she wasn't gonna leave, and now...POOF. It's like she wasn't here in the first place. Like she dreamed and loved and died for no reason. But most importantly she lied...wow, I really am petty, aren't I?

"It's time to follow the rules, though- the death of our comrades is an unfortunate loss, but...we have to keep going no matter what- if it's fate wish, we must comply and prove fate wrong. In order to be strong, sacrifices are necessary." Hanji paused, before saying in a much quieter voice, "What a load of horse crap, eh? I sure as hell ain't ready."

After a moment of silence, Levi says, "Sing to me, will you? That's an order."

"Aye, aye, Captain. I'll warn you, though- my accent sucks." Hanji exhales shakily, before singing in her low, husky voice, slightly off-key and lacking in confidence, Levi thinks, but nice nonetheless. The foreign words lap at his ears like sun-bathed waves, remind him of rolling green hills and unattainable paradise, give him a muddled sense of hope and acceptance. Her voice rises through the cobweb-strewn room, filling the trembling world with sound and breath and the sheer beauty of being alive.

And maybe, just maybe, Levi thinks, it's able to transcend the milky clouds and reach where she is singing too, in a soft voice that he doubts is any less beautiful.


End file.
